“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” is my favourite quote of Carl Rogers. The 1961 publication of ‘On Becoming a Person’ brought Rogers international fame as the ‘Father of Humanistic Psychology’. He was a man who changed our understanding of therapy and psychology.
It is funny that until we can accept who we are now, change is difficult. If much of your self talk begins with “I should…” or “I should not…”, “I must…” or “I must not…”, it is perhaps time to reassess your self concept.
When a client begins their sentences with “You know what I hate about myself…” and spends the next half hour listing their ‘failings’, my question to them is invariably “Do you think you can accept that as being YOU and be OK with it?” to which I usually get the incredulous “Isn’t it necessary for me to dislike what I do or who I am, in order that I can make a real change?” The answer is “No! Absolutely not.”
Accepting yourself is NOT the same as giving up. When we can accept ourselves unconditionally with all our human frailties and imperfections we become self assured. This in turn fosters a deeper sense of self awareness, gives us the confidence to do new things and we find that change begins to happen. In contrast, self loathing is paralysing and drains us of the will power and courage required to make real changes.
Carl Rogers said that for a person to “grow”, they needed an environment that provides them with genuineness (openness and self-disclosure), acceptance (being seen with unconditional positive regard), and empathy (being listened to and understood).
So this is what the therapist’s job is essentially – to provide an environment where the client can accept themselves and grow.
Remember, the help of a mental health professional is not limited to the treatment of extreme mental disorders. A counsellor or therapist can help with relationships and other life and career issues. In essence, if you feel that you have not reached your full potential personally and are not fully content with yourself or your life, a therapist can offer a sympathetic ear, clarity and alternative perspective in a non-judgemental atmosphere.
The most effective therapists build strong therapeutic relationships with their clients and have highly developed interpersonal skills including warmth, acceptance, empathy and the ability to accurately identify how a client is feeling.Now that you know what therapy is about I wish you the best of luck in your search for yourself and should you so choose, I look forward to helping you find YOU.